Runner 1021 checking in

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We’re two sleeps away from the Bluenose Half.  Am I excited?  Sure.  Am I ready?  Probably?  Here’s what just happened on MSN:

rozie: I guess I should be writing about the half today?  I don’t know what to say on the blog.
Kat: clearly you don’t have my talent for a) post-race anxiety b) over-analyzing c) rambling writing

Truer words have never been typed.  I’ve run a bunch, up to and including the half marathon distance in prep for this.  My pace has dropped.  My pants are new.  Sunday is just another run.  With a lot of people and a timing chip embedded in a number that will be pinned to my shirt.

Last year I ran 21.1k in 2h06m32s.  This year I think I’ll run it faster.

Aaaaand this has been your pre-race post by someone who is dead inside.

PS: I just picked up a new Stow-N-Go bra and will have my phone rammed in there.  Feel free to get MapMyRun and track me until it shorts out from boob sweat.

PPS: Kat and I were just MSN-ing about running tank tops available at MEC and why on earth would they put a tiny pocket on the boob of one.

Kat: Ha! What ar eyou going to put in there?

rozie: right?  that’s what my fucking stow-n-go bra is for.  i figure if we consider a gel costing $3 each and my race fee was $64 and we knock down $15 for the shitty shirt i’ll never wear and my bib i just need to get like 16 gels.  shit this should have been in the blog.

Kat: I think I’m more excited to see how many gels you can steal than excited to see how fast you run it.

Slow thoughts about a quick run

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I’m going to try and get through this post without talking about how annoyed I am that I can’t play Diablo III. Whoops. Well now that that is done with lets talk about running!

I went for my first run since the marathon today. I put on my smelly bra (yeah I forgot to wash it, sue me), I threw on my shorts, my new jacket and my headband. Hair up, sunglasses on, it all seemed so foreign and familiar at the same time. Keep in mind that even before I ran this marathon and had to take a recovery week, I had about 12 days off trying to heal my calf injury. It has been about three weeks since I laced up my shoes for a casual run in my neighbourhood.

I took my shoes out of my bag gingerly and stared at them. For some reason it seemed weird that they weren’t glittering, weren’t magic, weren’t sacred. They weren’t destroyed, they weren’t broken. These shoes struggled through 42.2k with me and unlike me they were unbroken, unbruised and unremarkable afterwards. The only hint that they had ever been used for such a momentous occasion in my life is the blood red stain along the right boot. It didn’t seem right somehow, it didn’t seem real. I pulled out the blood stained socks I used and tossed them out right away. I put on the shoes, I laced up, stood up and there it was. Back in the saddle.

My feet felt comfortable and safe and ready. No pain, no weirdness. Again I wasn’t full prepared for this. Maybe it was because my feet are currently covered in blood blisters, dead toenails and other assorted, gross, black things. They are actually fine though, in reality. I left the house and walked into the sunshine and that was it. The first run of the newest chapter in my running journey.

It was a goodish run. I went out too fast and did the first 2k way too quickly, around the 6min/km mark. Not exactly recovery run speed. After that I slowed down a bit, I walked a bit, I paused half way to enjoy the sun and my surroundings and the view. I was on a country road, all alone, between fields of long grass with a view of the ocean on one side and tree covered hills on the other. I was out of breath, that was probably the hardest part about the run. My legs were fine but my fitness has taken an understandable hit in my time off. I’ll get it back though, I know it’s there, I just need to dig for it a little. I concentrated on feeling my feet on the ground, my stride, I tried to concentrate on why I love this sport, why I do it. It wasn’t hard to see why on a beautiful sunny day.

I finished up my run with a very red face (for the first time in like year) and a bit of a headache from the effort and from the sun. Regardless I basked in the post-run feeling of accomplishment and peace.

I’m taking it easy this week, I’m rediscovering running, I’m meeting it again, I’m not jumping back into hard training or big mileage. I’ll hopefully go for a run this afternoon and then I’ll probably go for a chill 12k on Sunday with run club. It’ll be hard not to since I’ll be hopefully getting a text from Rozie as I wake up about how she totally killed the Bluenose regardless of the medal situation. I’ll get all inspired by her speedy finish and will probably go out and run the first 5k of the 12 way too quickly. That’s part of the fun of this recovery/non-training period though. Getting to be a little reckless. Seeing what the limits are.

Anyway I hope you’ll all make sure to wish Rozie an amazing race this weekend, I think she’ll be posting about it tomorrow so comment all over that shit! We’ll see you next week when I find that I hate running again!

On the Sidelines

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While I heal myself, physically and mentally I’m obviously taking a bit of time off running and a lot of time off training or any running that isn’t completely enjoyable. I had actually planned yesterday to go for a run in the evening but by the time I got to the evening it was hot, I was bagged and there were chores to do so I skipped it. It was a nice feeling, just being able to skip a run without guilt. Today’s a bit cooler so I’m hoping to go this afternoon but we’ll see, Diablo III just came out soooo…yeah.

Anyway I got to do something on Sunday I haven’t done in a while. I watched a race. A half marathon to be specific, the Oak Bay half marathon to be perfectly specific. I got up about an hour before I had to leave the house on a gloriously sunny Sunday morning, tossed a hat on and left and ran out the door about an hour before I would for run club. Even though I was technically heading out the door earlier than I would for a run it was nice to be gloriously unprepared. I didn’t put on sunscreen, I didn’t worry about fuelling, I was free.

My buddy Kirsty staked out the perfect spot to watch and cheer on the runners at 1.5k, 3k, 16-17kish and then around the 20k mark. The crowds were a bit disappointingly thin, especially around our area so I took it on as a personal challenge to clap my little hands off and yell as much as I could. It was a lot of fun, I forgot how fun it could be just watching a race. Yes it wasn’t my most favourite thing to do growing up but it was exciting. It’s double exciting when you actually know people running the race. I had a lot of friends and people I knew in this one, my running community is growing quite large and it’s fantastic.

I was actually completely stoked I wasn’t running this race, it was really warm and I personally would have struggled but all the runners did really well. We did run into one dude whose legs had locked up like mine around 15k. My spirit animal. He was going to walk it in though no matter what so we walked the last 1k with him in case he needed anything. I told him that on the bright side he only had 1k to go, not the 22k I had to go when my legs locked up. I don’t think he was ever in danger of not finishing but I hope that helped anyway. He had the same look of bewilderment as I did when it happened to me. That look of being totally lost in something you don’t know how to deal with, the betrayal of your body in an entirely new, unfamiliar way.

He finished, his family was waiting for him at the end and he was totally fine after some electrolytes.

It was a great way to spend a morning and I’m going to make an effort to get out to more races that I’m not running, especially this summer. I’m going to work on getting into the volunteering game as well. I tried for this race but unfortunately didn’t hear back until three days before the race which is not enough time for this planner.

The summer weather has really hit here so everybody’s out and about which is great to see. A LOT of bikes. I went for a bike ride with Shayne on Sunday afternoon and it was a lot of fun but my bike is kind of in rough shape. I had half breaks and the half I had didn’t work very well. I couldn’t switch gears properly. It was a bit of a mess. It had two functional wheels though which is all you need really. I’m in that fun position where I want a new bike but I need to ride more to justify it. I did pick out exactly what I want though with very little knowledge of bike design and what I actually need.

I’m clearly very serious about this sport.

I’ll take five medals, please

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If I could sit down with the organizers of the Bluenose and ask them one question I have a shortlist.

3: why do you change the route every year?
2: do you really think 12,000 runners are going to want to use water fountains instead of paper cups?
1: why, for the love of feeling superior, do you only offer one shirt and medal design for FOUR RACES?!

“…we have traditionally presented one medal to all adults and youth who complete the Blue Nose. We’ve always promoted this as the marathon for everyone, an event that encourages healthy, active lifestyles. For many, the Blue Nose is a first step toward achieving that goal, and completing a marathon event is a significant accomplishment, one that we believe is worth recognizing. One medal for one and all. It gives the Blue Nose a strong sense of community, and it’s just one reason why this event is so special.”

NOPE.

This is a race.  It’s not a celebration of estrogen with chocolate fountains and hug stations and no timing and beefy firemen at the end.  IT IS A RACE.  These are medals, not participation ribbons.  Everyone didn’t do the same thing, therefore everyone shouldn’t get the same medal.

If they can’t get that figured out and make me something that says “21.1″ or “half” on it the least they can do is give me four or five of the regular medals.

It’s simple math, you see.  One medal = participation.  We’ll throw those down one apiece for the 5k finishers.

Moving up the event list there’s the 10k run.  Two medals.

Half marathon?  FIVE.  Why?  4 x 5k = 20k.  A half is 21.1k and that last 1.1k is definitely recognizing.

Marathon?  TEN MEDALS.  Duh, it’s twice the half marathon and giving two medals for 2.2k?  I’m pretty sure that is justified.

Picture it now:  you’re running up the gentle incline of Brunswick Street feeling like a champion.  There’s salt caked all over your face and you can’t feel some of your toes.  You pick out someone ahead of you and give it all you have left, sprinting past them.  The douchebag with the microphone sees your name pop up as you cross the pre-finish line chip reader and he butchers the pronunciation of it as you approach the finish where you use every last ounce of energy to do a karate kick across the line so your race picture is totally badass.  Some hot chicks run up to you with a space blanket, seventeen high fives and five medals because you just ran a half marathon.

So.  Awesome.

This is the only situation when I’m okay with there only being one medal design.

University of Marathon

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Yes this is going to be a gushy/inspo/masturbation sort of post but I really don’t know what else you expect from me. Rozie is the funny one who talks about poop. I’m the one who barfs FEELINGS all over this town. Why change what works?

So here it is, things I learned from doing the marathon (which includes all my training as well as the race).

One day at a time, I’m not lazy

Pretty much most of my life, but especially in the last few years I was really been down about how lazy I was. I hated that I had no work ethic, no ambition, too much ambition but not enough follow through. It’s been my least favourite thing about myself. I saw all these people around me accomplishing so much and leaving me behind while I watched cat video after cat video. The first and most important thing I learned about this process is that I’m not lazy. I get easily overwhelmed but I’m not lazy. The only way I could get through this training was by taking it one day at a time, living in the present, living in the week, not living four months down the road when I had to run 42.2k. This week, today, all I had to do was run 10 and I could do that. Days went by, weeks went by, mileage went by, it all added up and looking back on it now? I worked DAMN hard and it didn’t kill me. This small attitude adjustment and acknowledgement that I could work DAMN hard extended into other aspects of my life. I’ve been working hard at work, I’ve been working hard on writing, I’m getting better at being a domestic goddess (slowly but surely). I’m not lazy, I just get easily overwhelmed.

One day at a time is my mantra and I know that if I could work that hard on my running, there’s nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it.

It’s all about community

My running community is eclectic, diverse and spread out all over the world and I don’t think I could have done it without them. I don’t know, there’s so many feelings and gush when it comes to the running community I’ve built up around myself that there’s no way I can really write everything I need to without rambling and blabbering and getting emotional. My running clinics, my running buddies, my real life friends, and my #yyjrun crew make my running world. When I’m struggling to get out the door, struggling to finish, struggling to understand why I’m doing what I’m doing and doubting myself these people boost me up, show me I can, give me a reason to leave the house.

When I first started running I found the Victoria running community extremely cliquy, I couldn’t break in and so I felt alone and it was harder. So much harder. This last year I’ve found an alternate way though, through the internet, through Running Room I’ve finally built myself an ever growing community and it’s completely indispensable to me. My running family.

My body is a temple

Yes I picked this horrible cliched expression on purpose but I’m sorry but it’s true. My body is a glorious, glorious creature and it’s so good at what it does. If I treat my body right, feed it the right things, exercise it occasionally, it rewards me in ways I couldn’t imagine giving up now. The ability to run, jump, breathe properly, exist, is so important to me these days that the extra work and sacrifice it takes to keep it running as efficiently as I can seems like nothing. I’m not a health freak, I drink, quite a bit when I’m not training. I LOVE MCDONALDS. I love food that is bad for me but the glorious thing about my body is that it’ll take and consume these things and as long as a compensate for them, it’ll be okay.  I can consume these things on occasion and still enjoy a healthy, happy, body. It’s amazing what my body can do for me. I remembered that almost every day of my training.

I need time to think

Like Rozie, I don’t run with music anymore. I stopped one day because my music was irritating me and I’ve discovered that I do much better without it. It prepares me for races, it means that my pace isn’t subject to different crazy beats and it lets me think. I find that more than anything this time to just run and think means so much to me. My brain needs time away. It needs time away from media, from books, television, computers, from activity. I like to be occupied. I like to have things going on, I like to multi-task. When I’m running my brain doesn’t have to do anything but watch for traffic, keep my form in check and wander. Better than any therapy, I’m lost without it. Ask my boyfriend how these last few weeks of low mileage have been for our relationship. I’ve started walking, when I’m able, to get this time to myself and my brain. When I can’t walk I’ve taken a couple mornings a week where I drive in silence to work, a 40 minute commute, so my brain gets that downtime. I’ve discovered this is something I need.

It all comes down to me

This marathon has been a selfish process but I’m okay with that because I’m in my 20s and that’s what we do. We are selfish so we can figure our shit out before we get older and hopefully, a lot less selfish. You need to be selfish sometimes to learn about how you work, what you can do, what’s inside. During the training and more importantly, during the marathon, I learned it all comes down to me. That’s it, that’s all. I’m the only one that could have gotten me across that line, I’m the only one who was there to make the decision to keep going when my blisters popped, when my legs lost the ability to run. Sure I sent out texts, I had help, I had friends but when it really came down to it, at 20k, as I shuffled alone, in a crowd of people, I was the one that had to make that call. I was the one that had to get myself up at 5am to do those early morning winter runs. I was the one who had to remember to bring my shoes so I could force myself for a 14k on a Tuesday evening before I went home to do over time, I was the one that had to acknowledge my strengths, my laziness, my injuries, my limits. I had the responsibility. Nobody was going to do that for me, nobody was going to make those decisions for me and nobody was going to run this race for me. Running is the mostly social thing I do and it’s also the loneliest thing I do.

This isn’t about congratulating myself, it’s something I need to remember. If I’m going to do anything, if I’m going to take on a challenge, it’s just me, myself and I. So I better have my shit sorted. I better treat myself well. I’m going to need myself and I’m going to need myself to man up and take ownership of my choices and decisions. It’s terrifying and wonderful.

Gummies are easily lost and we hate them and are switching to Gu. 

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So that’s all I’ve got for you for now. I imagine more will come up when I train for my next marathon which is so far looking to be this fall. Because I’m an idiot and addicted and want revenge. I kind of want to PB by an hour. Because without context that’ll look really impressive. We’ll see though. May’s for healing everything I broke during the marathon. Training cycle begins in June and I’ll be waiting until the day-of to decide whether I’m going to go for it or not. I did want to have a relaxing summer but frankly after all this rest and taper and recovery I’m tired of rest and I think a relaxing summer would drive me insane. I want to run and be fast and continue to shape my body into something more spectacular than it already is. I’m not afraid of the work, I know I can do the work.

If you’re in the Victoria area look for me at the Oak Bay Half Marathon. I’ll be on the side of the road cheering my guts out for all my friends who didn’t make it to Vancouver. I am the most annoying cheerleader, so if you’re coming out, prepare yourself!